Sometimes it’s hard to see more in yourself than just your faults and insecurities. I have times every now and then where that’s all I can see and nothing else. I’ve decided that “every now and then” isn’t good enough and I want to push that negative part of me far away this year. I want to forget the crappy feelings I have about myself and focus on the good and constructive ones only. As a Mom, I feel it’s my responsibility to be understanding and kind to myself so that I can raise my children to treat themselves with forgiveness and compassion as well. After all, they are watching my every move even when I don’t think they are even paying attention.
But If you’re like me at all, sometimes the good stuff is kind of hard to see.
Like, It’s hard to see that you always offer help to others even when you aren’t sure how you’re going to help yourself.
It’s hard to see that your jokes and laughter can change the mood of an entire group of people from low to high in less than 60 seconds.
It’s hard to see that the job you have doesn’t define you, you can literally be whatever and whoever you want to be – and who you are is actually pretty awesome.
It’s hard to see that you are the best Mom for your kid no matter what or who may say differently.
It’s hard to see that you’ve sacrificed important or even little materialistic things in order for others close to you to get what they want or need.
It can be so overwhelming to think of all the things you want for yourself and for your family and at the same time being so unsure of which ones you’ll be able to actually accomplish and give, and which ones you might fail miserably at. At some point in your life you have to prioritize what’s most important and what can be pushed off for another time. It’s okay to fail, by the way, even at the high priority stuff, that’s something I’m learning every single day.
It’s also really easy to become jealous and feel angry for what others have that you don’t and to be honest, that’s why I didn’t have a Facebook for a few years. I didn’t want to feel inadequate because others were at a place in their life that I wasn’t at yet. Some things just aren’t meant to happen the way you want them to and you know what, that’s okay. I’m learning to let go a little bit and not put myself on a timeline as much as I have in the past. We don’t have to have all the newest things that the other families have. I don’t have to be a stay at home Mom, a Mom who cleans the house every single day, or a super-freaking-bake-my-kids-a-cake-every-day-after-school Mom for that matter. Because guess what, I’m none of those, although I wish a cake would appear everyday after school now that I’m thinking about it…but anyways, it’s okay if you are those because that’s what works for you and your family. I’m just saying that I don’t have to be what you want me to be or think I should be, I just have to be what I want myself to be and what my kids need me to be and that’s pretty much it.
So if you stuck with me and read through the whole thing, thank you. This year for me is about being more open and honest about everything in my life. That means being real with myself about relationships, work, my kids, my body and whatever else I haven’t always been real with myself about. It’s also about loving myself a little more and saying goodbye to all the self-critical thoughts that pass through my mind. Join me on this little journey, will you?